I have to admit that a part of me dreads the idea of the Bobcats as a victorious, highly competent basketball organization. Some of that is just a simple fear of change. I like things to stay the way they are. That’s one of the reasons The Hives remain among my favorite bands. Those oddball Swedes can continue to dress in goofy black and white costumes and make songs with titles like “Abra Cadaver” for the next 20 years and that will be fine with me. But the other reason I’m troubled by a future in which the Bobcats rack up 50 wins and don’t pay DeSagana Diop his weight in gold is this: where will I turn to for my humor?

Step 1 towards this dystopia was the announcement a few weeks ago that the Bobcats were changing their name back to the Hornets. See my previous article for more on this, but I was actually in favor of that move, because I basically detest any nicknames of animals that I feel like I could take in a fight. Still, though, there’s no denying that a reliable comedic bit of source material had just been eliminated. I imagine stand-up comedians had a similarly mixed reaction watching Michelle Bachmann’s retirement announcement.

And now the Bobcats have hired Steve Clifford as their next coach, which has only fed my fears that we’re heading down a dark path to bland competence even further. Although he comes with almost zero head coaching experience, he was apparently adopted by the Van Gundy family off the street at the age of three and raised as one of their own. Both Jeff and Stan Van Gundy went out of their way to verbally caress Clifford in the press. I’m a huge fan of the brothers Van Gundy, especially Jeff. While growing up with the Knicks, I’ve never seen a coach take defeats harder than JVG; every press conference after a loss he looked like a man who’d just seen a baby panda bear get decapitated with a chainsaw. Thus an endorsement from him has a lot of cachet with me.

The Charlotte Bobcats continue to be in a bad way. They do hold the #4 overall pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, however, and there has been more talk about a potential trade for Sacramento Kings big man DeMarcus Cousins.

The only question is, is the talk going to actually turn into a reality?

Cousins was rumored to be a target of the Bobcats back in December, so I think it’s fair to say at this point that Charlotte would love for it to become a reality. Their biggest weakness on both sides of the court happens to be down low, and Cousins is a fluid, gifted athlete who can both score at will and defend – when he wants to.

This looks like a very serious coach

The Bobcats weren’t the first team to hire their replacement coach this off season.  That went to the Cleveland Cavaliers, who had some old letterhead with Mike Brown’s name on it, and it was in comic sans so they just had to hurry up and use it.  The Suns snatched up Jeff Hornacek, well they hired him, I’m not sure there was anyone else who was salivating for his services.  The Bobcats have hired Steve Clifford, most recently of the Lakers bench, to be their next head coach.

It was a bit of a surprise as the search had been quiet in the last few days.  There were only a few candidates so far and it wasn’t some pool and finalist structure as we had seen last season.  Ahh, last season, when we all knew that Mike Dunlap would be the answer.  Dunlap was fired a few weeks after the season.  After the dust settled on the exit interviews where the players widely panned him, he was shown the door.  Player development, whatever, it was either a bad hire or a bad firing, just to do it that quickly.  Enter the candidates that everyone talks about:  Brian Shaw (still working with the Pacers), Alvin Gentry (native of the area, fired mid-season with Suns), Kelvin Sampson (Rockets, etc), Nate McMillan, JB Bickerstaff (yikes) and don’t forget Quin Snider from last year.  I don’t know who or how many had interviews but I think I read that both Sampson and Clifford were in town last Tuesday.

When Michael Jordan officially announced the Bobcats name change on Tuesday, it marked a brief respite from the unending horror of being a Charlotte basketball fan. At least for me. I’ve always hated the Bobcats name, and not just for its narcissistic origins with former majority owner Bob Johnson. I’ve hated it because an actual bobcat is not even remotely threatening as an animal; for me, the immediate image of a bobcat is of a helpless, half-starved, feral creature in a cage, wide-eyed with terror, the product of an animal control team response to several complaints of garbage cans being knocked over in the local trailer park. There’s a reason Lord Cornwallis never referred to Charlotte as a “veritable bobcats’ litter of rebellion,” and so with apologies to Ohio University alumni, “bobcats” is a fearful little quivering nickname that I for one am happy to release back into the wild of college mascots.

Congratulations are in store for the Cleveland Cavaliers, who somehow landed the top pick in the NBA Draft for the second time in three seasons (rigged!). While that should leave a warm, fuzzy feeling in the heart’s of many a Cavaliers fan, Charlotte Bobcats fans are left disappointed and disgusted.

Once again, despite having one of the worst teams in the NBA, the Bobcats are stuck with something other than the number one overall selection. In fact, the closest to the top spot they’ve ever gotten was #2, where they had to settle for Emeka Okafor after missing out on Dwight Howard, who went #1 overall to the Orlando Magic.

And here we go again.

Join us Tuesday night in the chat room ( register to gain access ) for what has become a yearly ritual where Commissioner Stern screws the Charlotte Bobcats fans out of prime draft position.

Need a refresher? Over the years, Stern and his clearly rigged lottery have managed to position the Bobcats one slot behind Dwight Howard, Chris Paul and Anthony Davis. Join us in the chat room Tuesday night to mourn with us as we get screwed out of Nerlens Noel.

Well, that was quick. Mike Dunlap is one and done as the head coach of the Charlotte Bobcats after a disastrous season. He did have some potential, but it was in flashes and overall you’d have to admit he just wasn’t hacking it. However, if Dunlap can get dropped after one abysmal year, Bobcats fans could probably argue the entire team could, as well.

I kid, I kid. The reality is, Dunlap was inexperienced and it showed. However, these Bobcats do have some talent on the roster, and with a likely high lottery pick in the June 2013 NBA Draft, they’ll look to add another elite talent that hopefully can help turn this ship around.

But before they can even begin focusing on the draft, Charlotte needs a legit head coach who can come in and shape this team, and arguably most importantly, give them an identity.

Let’s take a look at the potential coaching candidates and pick the one that is the best fit:

Doug Collins

Collins preaches defense and team offense, and he’d at least get the Bobcats to compete on a regular basis. There would be order and a clear identity under Collins. However, he’s up there in years and he seemed to have lost the 76ers’ attention in 2012.