First off, I’d like to praise Rich Cho’s reaction to the results of last night’s draft lottery. I’m amazed at how gracefully he handled the unspeakably crushing news that he’d lost out on the #1 pick by smiling sweetly and casually congratulating the winner, Monty Williams. It’s certainly not how I handled it, that’s for sure. Given his Asian ethnicity and bald dome, Cho’s got a Buddhist monk vibe to him, so perhaps this really was no big deal for him—you know, life is merely suffering and spectacularly failed draft strategies on the way to eventual dharma, etc. Whatever the case, thank you, Rich, for representing us well!
As for the loss itself, why are we all so distraught? Because the media has commanded us to believe that Anthony Davis isn’t just a once-in-a-generation basketball talent; nope, this boy can stop bullets. And by “the media,” I basically mean every journalist everywhere, from Sports Illustrated to Juggs. The praise for Davis has been so over-the-top that it’s borderline homoerotic. Not only that, but according to the media, Davis is in a class all by himself, and anyone else in this draft is practically a heroine addict. Just look here, here, here, here, or here. On his podcast with Bill Simmons, Chad Ford subtly predicted that if the Bobcats missed out on the #1 pick it, would be “kill-the-franchise, devastatingly bad.” Given this bombardment of unified opinion, had Rich Cho kneed Monty Williams in the groin and then sat down and set himself on fire, I would have only considered it a mild overreaction.