The only one who could play any defense on Shannon Brown on Wednesday night was Charlotte Observer beat reporter Rick Bonnell. Bonnell limited the Suns’ Brown to just 4 3-pointers in his write-up of the Bobcats’ loss to Phoenix. The only problem is that in reality, Brown actually scored six 3-pointers, all of them in the 4th quarter (but close enough, Rick). Each of those 3’s was a testicle-puncturing dagger in the scrotum of Charlotte’s comeback attempt, leaving Bobcats fans to wonder why Brown never did anything like that when he was on our team. Hell, Lakers fans are probably wondering where that kind of production was when Brown was on their team. In fact, Albuquerque Thunderbirds fans are probably wondering why he couldn’t have done that when he was on their team. This is a guy who historically only averages about two 3-point attempts per game, so how he suddenly developed Reggie Miller changeling powers is anyone’s guess.
Brown’s explosion didn’t bring about the torture of watching this game, it merely altered it. Prior to his barrage, the Bobcats had dug themselves a 14-point grave, due to some truly wretched defense down low. The first half featured a parade of Luis Scola and Gorin Dragic making more back door runs than Richard Gere in American Gigolo. Byron Mullens summed it up beautifully: “They got a lot of easy baskets on us. Gortat and Luis Scola just cut down the middle in front of my face.” Actually, Mullens summed it up terribly, because I’m not sure if that line makes any sense. But I know what he meant, because the slide help was just horrendous.
And after Scola and Gortat got done cutting up Mullens’ face, Michael Beasley took over. Other than Tyler Hansbrough, is there anyone less pleasurable to watch play well than Beasley? Oh right, I forgot about Carlos Boozer. Every time Carlos Boozer gets a double-double, an angel gets doused with gasoline and set on fire. But Beasley’s really close with his smug sense of completely undeserved entitlement. Thus watching him go 7 for his first 13 nearly made my eyes bleed. If there’s any consolation, it’s that he went 0 for his last 8.
Defense is a serious problem for the Bobcats right now, and it’s not likely to improve with Gerald Henderson out 4 weeks with a sprained foot. I’m starting to wonder if this is going to be a thing for him from now on—missing at least 4 weeks every season. Actually, he missed 11 games last year from a back injury, 14 straight the year before with a knee injury, and a whopping 39 games in his rookie season due to…oh, nothing actually, that was just Larry Brown not playing any rookies. But the point is, he’s more chronically injured than I realized, and that makes me want to offload him. Believe me, I like Henderson, and I’d like him to stay with the Bobcats, if for nothing else than for watching his hair look progressively more like Sherman Hemsley’s. But there was a reason I didn’t shed any tears when we dumped Corey Maggette and DJ Augustin—several reasons, actually, but chief among them was that neither could suit up consistently.
Oh well, I can only be so upset right now. After all, American voters just narrowly defeated a man whose beliefs include that black skin is God’s punishment for wickedness. Way to barely clear that incredibly low bar, America! The Bobcats came back in this one to make it close, and if we’re going to lose, well, who better to lose to than Shannon Brown? Just don’t tell Proviso East High School Pirates fans of his six 3-pointers, because they’ll probably be wondering why he couldn’t have done more stuff like that when he was on their team.
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