The first recorded English use of the phrase “adding insult to injury” was in 1748, or shortly after the Charlotte Bobcats last won a game. I feel like the phrase works well for action movies; for example, Arnold Schwarzenegger beats a terrorist into submission (the injury) and then says, “you’re fired,” before launching the terrorist off of a missile that explodes into a helicopter (the insult). But it usually works backward in sports, especially when it comes to the Bobcats. The Bobcats are almost always insulted first and then injured, as was the case on Saturday night, when the Denver Nuggets insulted Charlotte by 22 points and then added an injury to Byron Mullens with about 3 minutes to go. I suppose you could also make the claim that the Nuggets added this insult to the previous injury of Gerald Henderson, who was unable to play due to a bruise, but that injury itself was added to the insult of the previous night’s eye-stabbing blowout to the Golden State Warriors. Injuries and insults: they’re like the chicken and the egg.

Either way, with Mullens’ ankle badly sprained and wrapped tighter than a Dexter victim, the Bobcats need to find someone else with a 46.5 TS%–about 60^th in the league among power forwards—to replace him. The good news is they have such a person: Tyrus Thomas, who’s slowly making his way back from…whatever that injury was that he had. To tell you the truth, it’s been so long ago I can’t even remember (sorry if I’m adding insult to injury here). The Bobcats also have an immediate temp in Hakim Warrick. Warrick’s career TS% is in the upper 50s, which technically makes him overqualified to replace Mullens, but his weak rebounding rate and substandard defensive play make him perfectly qualified. Clearly, one of the Bobcats’ many managerial strengths is their ability to find and then replicate excellence.

In their coverage of the latest grim Bobcats loss to the Orlando Magic, the Observer pointed out that slow starts have been a problem, as has defensive rebounding. It’s true: the Bobcats are second-to-last in average 1^st quarter scoring margin (-4.5). And their defensive rebounding rate, which I’ve documented with the regularity of a gallon a Metamucil, remains buried so far in the cellar of the league that Abu Nazir keeps a sleeping bag there. As of right now, both of those stats are actually worse than they were last year, which should send more shivers down your spine than noticing that Jamie Patrice Thomas is on your guest list.

On the AP side, meanwhile, the recap focused on the Bobcats’ inability to control the paint or close out close games. The former is also true; the Bobcats surrendered 60 points at the rim to the Magic. As a team, they allow the most attempts at the rim and the 4^th-most makes. As for their failure to close out close games, it only seems like that lately. The Bobcats still carry a .750 winning percentage in close games, thanks to their 7-5 start to the season (which will someday be known as the “November Miracle”). And based on their record in close games and a middling strength of schedule, ESPN tells us that their expected record should only be 5-18. So there’s some good news, I guess…Happy Holidays, everyone!

“There are no limitations on this team,” Warriors coach Mark Jackson said, perhaps overstating his team’s abilities just a smidge. “They’re all committed and everybody hangs on to the rope.” The Bobcats, meanwhile, are hanging from a rope, having lost 8 in a row, most of them at home, most of them more convincingly than Daniel Day-Lewis as Abe Lincoln. Not even Michael Jordan’s presence on the bench could motivate the team last night; his advice might as well have been wearing cargo pants in a country club.

Stephen Curry owned the night, percolating up a 27-7-7. Curry was clearly motivated to play back in his home town and said that the best part was looking into the crowd and seeing his former coach Bob McKillop waving at him. That seems like an odd way to rank-order it when his father, wife, and newborn daughter were also right there in the front row, but perhaps Curry was dizzy from dribbling more circles around the Bobcats than aliens in a crop field. Curry was abetted by David Lee, perhaps the most maligned 18-and-11 guy ever, who seemingly couldn’t miss, as he went 10-of-14 and 4-4 from the foul line.

In their continuing quest to seek out new ways to lose in the most agonizing manner possible, the Bobcats discovered two gems this week.  On Monday they went from hitting the Ben Gordon Lottery to flat broke in 5 minutes.  On Wednesday they figured, “Why bother trying to defeat the Knicks ourselves when J.R. Smith is willing to do it for free?”  The trick almost worked, with Smith and company chucking their way to oblivion until the Bobcats went on a murderous turnover spree in the final handful of plays, setting up Smith and his happy dance.  The root cause of both of these disasters was—again—poor defensive rebounding.  Do you know what the definition of insanity is?  It’s saying that stupid definition-of-insanity line over and over and expecting people to think you’re cool.  But it’s also expecting to win when you give the opposing team more second chances than Chris Brown.  The Bobcats are now dead-last in opponents’ offensive rebound rate, and if they don’t start boxing out like a homeless meth addict immediately, we’re never going to get our 8^th win.

The Monday night loss to the Blazers continues to haunt me worse than a Ke$ha rap.  First of all, Portland was playing its 6^th straight road game and coming off an extremely unimpressive OT game with Cleveland.  In other words, the Blazers were riper for the picking than Lady Gaga’s nose.  Plus, do you know how bad their second unit is?  Joel Freeland, Luke Babbitt, Meyers Leonard, Nolan Smith, Will Barton, and Sasha Pavlovic!?  I’ve seen more attractive benches being puked on by hobos in Central Park.

We’re in December now, and as I flipped my 2012 Bobcats wall calendar to reveal Matt Carroll as this month’s pinup, I noticed a disturbing trend.  The six featured players in this year’s calendar were Stephen Jackson, Carroll, Shaun Livingston, DJ Augustin, Gerald Henderson, and Tyrus Thomas.  In other words: traded, traded, traded, traded, injured, and injured amidst career freefall.  The calendar curse might not be the only thing working against Charlotte, either.  After starting out the season going 5-0 in games decided by 4 points or less, the Bobcats have dropped two in a row by 3 and 6, respectively.  Instead of taking back the “Hornets” as our nickname, perhaps we should consider the “Karma Chameleons.”  On the other hand, these disappointing outcomes were probably less the result of the direct involvement of a Hindu god and more related to the fact that the Bobcats have the second-lowest defensive rebounding percentage in the league.

Never was that more on display than Friday night against the Sixers, where Lavoy Allen put back more shots than Courtney Love on a bender.  Allen had 6 offensive boards, nearly every one of which he immediately deposited back into the bucket.  Much was made of Jason Richardson’s four 3-pointers in the 4^th quarter, and it’s true, he Shannoned us, but two of them were also second-chance opportunities.  Byron Mullens is the team leader in defensive rebound rate, but he’s only ranked 24^th in the league among guys getting at least 10 minutes of burn a game.  So for the Cats to get over the 7-win hump, they’re going to need to start cleaning the glass like Charlie Sheen snorting coke off a mirror.

I don’t know.  I’ll be the first to tell you, I don’t know.  Whether the Bobcats are good, bad, lucky, suckering teams, winning close ones early in the year only to lose them later, a fluke or on to something real and sustainable.  I don’t know.  All those adjectives or suspicions have definite truths to them.  That’s easy to say though.  Like I’m standing up on the street corner saying “God exists!  Maybe!  Repent!  Or do whatever you want!  He’s coming soon!  Or he’s not coming at all!  Maybe he’s coming later!”  Nothing too bold about saying “I don’t know.”

Just the not knowing, this year is a big deal though.  Last year the team was awful.  The whole way around, we know that.  So, just thinking “Hey, this is great!” is an incredible feeling.  My mind is still of the pre-OKC beatdown however.  Those were the Bobcats I expected to see.  Not the ones who beat Dallas for the first time and were 7-5 until that horrible, worst ever loss to the Thunder.  Actually, I can say now, I didn’t know what to expect.

New coach, new players, new jerseys, new floor, new year.  I was hoping for 20 wins.  Seriously, that was around what I really thought was possible.  Being a third of the way there, less than a seventh of the way through the season was very surprising but when you see how it was done, it’s somewhat comforting.

Shocking the NBA by having a winning record early in the year isn’t the trick.  The trick is sustaining that progress, that evidences itself in wins, throughout the full 82 game slate and on into the future.  I’m realizing that after every statement about the Bobcats you can and should read into it “after the single worst season in NBA history, based on winning percentages.”  That cloud hangs still, and it casts a shadow, but far from an all encompassing one.