At least that would explain the barrage of inaccurate shit-balls this team keeps smearing in the general vicinity of the backboards this year. Occasionally one will plop into the net, but mostly they splatter every which way, before being hauled in by Kris Humphries, Al Jefferson, and various other non-Bobcats—because the team can’t rebound, either (28th in rebound rate). The Bobcats are shooting 41.4% this season, which is not only last in the NBA, it would be last in the National Monkeys Hurling Their Own Feces At Each Other League if there were such a thing (to my knowledge, there isn’t). In fact, in every conceivable sub-metric of shooting, the Bobcats are soiling the record books.
And that 41.4 percentage is falling fast. Against, the Nets on Friday, Charlotte couldn’t even crack the 35% barrier. Worse, we can’t even blame this on Boris Diaw, because his playing status—which was often questionable even when he was on the court—is now official: he’s going to sit until he’s bought out or traded. This, by the way, is one of the most comical trade demands of all time. I mean, if a team really wanted a large fat Frenchman, why not just take Gérard Depardieu? I bet he’d be a lot cheaper and you could probably get free copies of Green Card. But never mind, my point is, even when Diaw did play, he really only played-ish, taking just 8 shots a game. Unfortunately, this scatological shooting performance is one of the few things in life that isn’t all Diaw’s fault. It’s the fault of the 3-headed monster DJ Augustin, Kemba Walker, and Corey Maggette, which collectively shoots 35.3 times per game and collectively makes just 37.7% of them. Statisticians don’t need a calculator to add all this up, they need a ream of toilet paper.