I’d like to put a cap on the season much like Marcellus Wallace wanted to put a cap in Butch Coolidge’s ass, and what better way to do so than with awards? (Well, besides just getting really drunk and forgetting the last two seasons ever happened) I know that doing this with a 21-win team reeks of “world’s tallest dwarf award,” but this is our world, Bobcats fans, and this team is our dwarf, so let’s award the poor little bastard:

MVP: Kemba Walker. This one’s not even close. First of all, Walker played all 82 games, which should also qualify him for a purple heart. He also led the team in PER (18.8) and win-shares (4.8—more than doubling up everyone except Gerald Henderson and Ramon Sessions), according to Basketball-Reference.com. From a plus/minus perspective, Walker had the second-highest plus/minus of the core starters (okay, it was -8.2—so yes, go ahead and insert “military intelligence” joke here). The team improved with Walker on the court offensively per 100 possessions (+0.2 points more) and defensively (2.8 fewer points allowed), for a net-rating of +3.0 (courtesy of 82games.com). MKG had gaudier per-100 numbers, as did (randomly) Jeff Adrien, but they obviously didn’t log nearly as much PT as did one Kemba Hudley Walker. The only knock I can give him is that his “clutch” net-rating (his net-rating when there are fewer than 5 minutes to play and the Bobcats are within 5 points of the opponent, per NBA.com) trails several teammates, but the fact that a) the Bobcats were so rarely in clutch situations, and b) one of those teammates he trails is Tyrus Thomas, causes me to dismiss the category. The bottom line is the kid’s a top-10 PG with a handle like a bottle of Windex and defense that is…not much worse than anyone else on the team. Hold me closer, tiny Kemba, you’re our MVP.

Most Improved Player: Gerald Henderson. This could also be Walker, as could most awards other than “Most Likely To Eat His Own Belly Flab Roll” (Gana Diop), but I’ll give it to Henderson on the rationale that Walker’s a second-year player and expected to improve. Hendo’s PER went from 14.0 last year to 16.4 this year, and while his defense slipped, it continued to be adequate (82games.com has him defending 2’s to a PER of 14.3 last year and 15.7 this year). The best thing about Gerald was the way he learned how to attack the defense: on a per-36 minute basis, his 3-point attempts went from 0.9 to 1.7 and his 3-pt accuracy improved from 23% to 33%. At the same time, his free-throw attempts went from 4.0 to 5.3, and his FT% went from 76% to 82%. He improved both from long range and on his drives, which is how you win basketball games (or, at least 21 of them).

Rookie of the Year: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. I mentioned earlier that Walker trailed MKG in the on-court/off-court +/- per 100 possession category. Well, Kidd-Gilchrist made the offense 2.5 points better and the defense 3.1 points stingier when he played, for a net of +5.6. Considering this team finished a league-last -10.6 PP100P, MKG was the one Amish kid who said, “Screw this, I’m getting a damned electric butter churn.” His PER of 14.04 was a respectable 12^th among rookies, 8 of whom played WAY less than him (and mostly on WAY better teams). And his Estimated Wins Added (EWA) was fifth among rookies. Again, on this team, that’s like finding Jesus’s image on a skid mark. And contrary to what EVERYONE is saying, he did NOT hit the rookie wall. His post All-Star Game rebound percentage went up, his turnover percentage went down, and his effective field goal percentage went up (all per NBA.com). Even just a basic stat like his points-per-game just narrowly dipped from 9.1 to 8.9, so everyone talking about the rookie wall can go jump off it. The Bobcats might have been Swiss cheese, but MKG was the Swiss army knife—the swingman with the all-around blade/nail-file/tiny scissors/corkscrew combo threat.

The Bobcats-Bucks game on Monday night featured less defense than the Maginot Line as both teams blitzed each other for 51% shooting. In losing 133-99, the Bobcats allowed the Bucks to score their highest point total since 2009 and—even more embarrassingly—allowed Monta Ellis to be praised for his defense. “He’s playing as hard as he can play,” Bucks coach Jim Boylan said of Ellis afterward, “And he’s doing a whole bunch of things at both ends of the floor.” Ellis may be doing a lot of things, but I wouldn’t count defense among that bunch. True, he had 6 steals, but they were of the classic, Allen Iverson, all-or-nothing variety (quite often resulting in the latter). His primary counterparts, Ben Gordon, Kemba Walker, and Gerald Henderson, shot a collective 20-of-30. Ellis plays defense like Atlanta teachers grade tests.

Not that this matters against a team like Charlotte. When the Bobcats come to town, refraining from picking your nose is about all the defense you need to play to give yourself a shot. And that’s what happened here, as Charlotte allowed Milwaukee over, around, and through them without so much as a harsh word. “We just couldn’t play any defense,” said Henderson, “You ain’t gonna beat nobody giving up 130 points.” You certainly ain’t, Gerald, especially nobody like Larry Sanders, who faced a stiffer challenge against referee Bill Kennedy’s noggin on the opening tip-off than he would the rest of the night. In a performance he probably would give three thumbs up, Sanders finished with 24 points and more offensive rebounds than the Bobcats had as a team. The Bobcats generally struggle with Sanders-type forwards, which is to say competent ones, but it would be nice if they weren’t always setting career highs against us.

The Charlotte Bobcats really got me. Perhaps it was in fact only me, but I had hopes that they’d get off to a decent start and maybe even be competitive in 2012-13. Turns out, for the first month anyways, I was right.

The Bobcats were at one point 6-4, and exited November a reasonable 7-8. Since then, they’ve won five measly games. More importantly, they didn’t win a single game in December, and have frequently been flat-out abused on defense.

Yes, the Bobcats enter the All-Star break sitting at a depressing 12-40 and even entered the break with another disappointing blowout loss. It’s only fitting.

But in a season where Bobcats fans are probably saying “it is what it is” at a record rate, there still is a light at the end of the tunnel. After all, Charlotte isn’t about to turn things around anytime soon, which at the very least means a strong likelihood of a high lottery draft pick in the 2013 NBA Draft.

With that said, it’s time for first half grades, and the Bobcats as a team get a resounding F.

Let’s break the members of the Bobcats down individually and see how they grade out through 52 games:

Mike Dunlap (HC) – D+

The hot start can’t be completely forgotten. I almost laughed when I wrote “hot start”. But that’s what a hot start is right now for the Bobcats – getting off to an “around .500″ record. Dunlap is a rookie coach working with very average talent from an overall stand-point. There’s enough here to suggest he can be solid at this level, but from a record stand-point it’s clear he’s been unsuccessful. I still have hope for him, but wouldn’t be shocked at all if he’s one and done in Charlotte, either.

I’m paraphrasing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. when I say that I have a dream that Fox Sports South never throws up a stupid jinxing graphic like this one again. As soon as I saw it flash at the end of the third quarter in the Bobcats’ latest excruciating loss to the Rockets, I knew that the Bobcats were toast—toast in Mrs. Hughes’ toaster. There’s nothing deadlier than those types of stats; they ought to have their own show on Fox primetime and be hunted by Kevin Bacon, who gets called in for one last mission but is in danger of getting too close—is he the hunter or the hunted?

Nah, that’s not true. Howlin’ Wolf ain’t superstitious, and neither am I. And I don’t believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein, or Superman. Besides, why make up reasons for the Bobcats’ pants-wetting performance when there are so many real ones? Starting with James Harden. Harden finished with a line of 5-of-20 shooting, 0-5 on 3’s, 4 TOs, 7 assists, 7 boards, -1 plus/minus, and 19-of-21 from the free throw line. This is one of the strangest lines I’ve ever seen that didn’t belong to Bismack Biyombo and wasn’t made of cocaine. Harden had so many free throws you’d think he’d won a throw raffle. They were all of the infuriating Dwyane Wade-style, too. You know the kind: Harden relentlessly bum-rushes the rim and gets knocked down, so the ref has got to call something on someone. This afternoon that someone was usually Gerald Henderson, Biyombo, Kemba Walker, Jeff Taylor, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist—it was pretty much anyone other than James Harden.

This is how pitiful I am: anytime the Bobcats have a lead in the fourth quarter, I start calculating how soon they could theoretically win if they did nothing except commit 24-second violations for the rest of the game. Then I’ll start changing variables, like how fast the other team scores and whether they shoot 2’s or 3’s. For example, if the Bobcats are up by 8 and we assume the other team scores a bucket every 10 seconds, we could implement a 24-second violation-only strategy starting with 1:42 left. Or let’s assume the opposition hits 3-pointers but it takes them 15 seconds, we could implement Operation 24 with 1:18 left. I’d actually like to see a table of this, like they have for NFL coaches and when they’re supposed to go for the 2-point conversion. Anyway, lately I’ve started doing this earlier and earlier in the game: last night against the Magic, I think I started with about 8 minutes to go in the 3^rd.

That’s because the Cats were improbably ahead by 7 and Gerald Henderson had just gone to the bench. I knew something was wrong, because it was way too early to sub in for him, considering Hendo had been scoring more efficiently than a Fembot. He left the game having gone 8-11 for 17 points and never returned; apparently his back seized up on him. Fortunately, the Bobcats persevered and managed to maintain their slim lead throughout the entire second half, although watching it whittle and whittle was the basketball equivalent of watching Nathan Thurm’s cigarette ash in those old Martin Short bits.

The Charlotte Bobcats snapped their disgusting losing streak at 18 games, but there is still a lot of improvement to be made on both sides of the ball. With the NBA trade deadline quickly approaching come February, Charlotte may want to consider sending off some young guys or players in contract years in an effort to land a major upgrade.

And while at the moment it’s just gossip, there’s a real chance the Bobcats make a legit run at landing a potential superstar. It’s just a blurb in Marc Spears’ NBA Power Rankings, but it’s still worth noting: the Bobcats could make a run for Sacramento Kings’ big man DeMarcus Cousins.

With Byron Mullens hurting and struggling with consistency even when healthy, landing a balanced star like Cousins could completely change the dynamic of Charlotte’s attack at both ends of the court. The Bobcats already have a steady and growing young point guard in Kemba Walker and a forward with loads of upside in Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. Landing a premier threat down low that can pound inside, shoot mid-range jumpers, handle the rock and even play defense could go a long way in helping Charlotte turn back into a playoff team.

It wouldn’t be a lock to happen this year, but it would certainly be a huge step in the right direction.