In an article on Thursday, coach Mike Dunlap said, “We really want to get to 20 wins. It would be important. We wanted to get around tripling our win rate from last year.” After defeating the Milwaukee Bucks on Saturday for their 19^th win, the Bobcats are almost there. Technically they already are there, as 19 is “around triple” 7, right? Yes, 7 just goes into 19 twice when you try to divide it, but there’s a big remainder. Either way, Dunlap’s interview was like Rand Paul’s speech at Howard—it probably came from a good place, but it just made everyone feel worse.

Dunlap’s biggest unintended elbow-to-the-testicle was this line: “20 wins would be special if we could do that. It’s something that would be the first step in a long journey to get this organization into the playoffs.” The thought of this year just being the “first step in a long journey” toward the playoffs is like contemplating the number of burning souls in hell. Fortunately, the article ended on an upbeat quote: “There’s process and there’s results. Unfortunately up here the process sometimes is slower than people want and the results aren’t quite what they want. But it’s our job to stay the course.” In other words, fans, don’t pay attention to the process, which is slow; instead, focus on the results, which…aren’t what you want, either. Wait, coach, when you give us one of these lines about “process” and “results,” one of them is supposed to be going well!

The Bobcats entered Tuesday night’s game in Memphis with 12 straight road defeats, while the Grizzlies had 12 straight home victories; nothing had to give. Through three quarters, though, the Bobcats trailed by just 5 points, and Jannero Pargo opened the fourth with a 3-pointer to make it 63-60. But then all normalcy broke loose, as the Grizzlies went on a 15-0 run. The bloodshed lasted just 3.5 minutes of game time, although coach Dunlap frantically called three full timeouts during that span, defibrillator-style. Sadly, the Bobcats couldn’t be revived.

It’s a shame, and a weird shame at that, because all but two of the points during that violent outburst came from Austin Daye, Jon Leuer, and Ed Davis. Prior to that, the Bobcats had done a decent job (at least, defensively) on the Grizzlies stars, who—except for Mike Connelly—all started the fourth quarter on the bench. Marc Gasol went just 4-11 for 8 points and 6 boards, as Bismack Biyombo did a remarkably nice job keeping the fiendish Spaniard in check. I often criticize Biyombo for providing less offense than Johnny in Johnny Got His Gun, so just for the record: good job, Biz. A remarkable job, in fact. I totally remarked on it. Meanwhile, Zach Randolph was pestered all night with double teams and could only fork over 11 points and 13 boards. A frustrated Randolph would eventually retaliate in the only sensible way possible by flipping the ball at an innocent bystander in the crowd (to his credit, Randolph went over and hugged the fan, who probably felt that a simple apology would have been sufficient). Thus when Pargo buried that 3 like drug money to start the fourth, I was psyched.

After the Bobcats fumbled away losses in Brooklyn and against the Miami Heat scabs, I got curious as to how historically bad their defense was. This became particularly pressing after the Heat game, in which Charlotte gave up 26 points to Mike Miller. Mike Miller is so decrepit right now that he looks like he can’t dribble more than five feet without needing a liver transplant. And I don’t think that’s a mouth guard he’s constantly fiddling with, I think they’re ill-fitting dentures. Basically all he can do is stand there and shoot 3’s, and if you’re defending him, you should just keep a guy on him at all times. The Bobcats flamed out in this task like Maverick and Goose’s F-14 (Miller shot 7-11 from distance), as they’ve done in nearly all other defensive tasks this year.

The Bobcats are giving up 1.078 points-per-possession this year, which is worst in the league. And it’s worse than last year’s team, which was the…hold on…oh yeah, also the Bobcats (1.065 ppp). But the good news is, in all previous years, the worst defenses get seriously bad. The immortal 2009-10 and 2010-11 Toronto Raptors (1.100 and 1.091 ppp, respectively), for instance, actually put a tax on defense to help fund an oil pipeline in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.

But the real leaders of the worst defense clubhouse were the 2008-9 Sacramento Kings. As if I needed to remind you, this was the team that started out the season under the guidance of Reggie Theus, a man whom many feared might have been suffering from brain damage brought on by years of inhaling the fumes of his own jheri curls. Theus was replaced by Kenny Natt in December, the team finished with 17 wins, and Natt was literally outsourced to India, where he now coaches their national team. Perusing some of their box scores from that year is highly amusing, especially the 143-141 OT loss to Golden State on April 1^st. This was a game that prominently featured Kevin Martin, Monta Ellis, Beno Udrich, and Jamal Crawford: if you’re interested in building an all-time worst defending gunner team, I think I’ve just found your backcourt.

The best thing you can say about the Bobcats game on Wednesday night is that there are only six more of them to go. But the second-best thing you can say is that the Bobcats came out on top against a Philadelphia 76ers team that was desperately looking to keep their playoff hopes alive. They’ll have to keep looking, though, because through a combination of Bobcat hustle and Derek Fisher’s poltergeist possessing Jrue Holiday, Charlotte came out on top. “We were able to prove again that we’re very interested in the outcome coming down the backstretch,” said coach Mike Dunlap. On behalf of Bobcats fans everywhere, we thank you for your team’s interest, coach.

The game’s beginning was certainly no bed of roses. In fact, it was more like a bed-wetting, as the Bobcats found themselves trailing by 16 early in the second quarter. Scratch that; I hate the phrase “found themselves,” as if they just woke up in a 16-point deficit. There was no existential mystery here, as the Bobcats went on a 12-minute journey of self-discovery and 2-for-15 shooting, including a collection of greatest hits from Tyrus Thomas on his late-season farewell tour: a missed 18-footer, a spectacular missed slam dunk, a missed 18-footer, and a missed 20-footer. Thomas would later miss a 13-footer and yet another 3-pointer—his fifth 3-pt attempt in the last two games…is he just trolling the Sloan Sports Conference?

The Bobcats-Bucks game on Monday night featured less defense than the Maginot Line as both teams blitzed each other for 51% shooting. In losing 133-99, the Bobcats allowed the Bucks to score their highest point total since 2009 and—even more embarrassingly—allowed Monta Ellis to be praised for his defense. “He’s playing as hard as he can play,” Bucks coach Jim Boylan said of Ellis afterward, “And he’s doing a whole bunch of things at both ends of the floor.” Ellis may be doing a lot of things, but I wouldn’t count defense among that bunch. True, he had 6 steals, but they were of the classic, Allen Iverson, all-or-nothing variety (quite often resulting in the latter). His primary counterparts, Ben Gordon, Kemba Walker, and Gerald Henderson, shot a collective 20-of-30. Ellis plays defense like Atlanta teachers grade tests.

Not that this matters against a team like Charlotte. When the Bobcats come to town, refraining from picking your nose is about all the defense you need to play to give yourself a shot. And that’s what happened here, as Charlotte allowed Milwaukee over, around, and through them without so much as a harsh word. “We just couldn’t play any defense,” said Henderson, “You ain’t gonna beat nobody giving up 130 points.” You certainly ain’t, Gerald, especially nobody like Larry Sanders, who faced a stiffer challenge against referee Bill Kennedy’s noggin on the opening tip-off than he would the rest of the night. In a performance he probably would give three thumbs up, Sanders finished with 24 points and more offensive rebounds than the Bobcats had as a team. The Bobcats generally struggle with Sanders-type forwards, which is to say competent ones, but it would be nice if they weren’t always setting career highs against us.

“We got a lot of guys with pride and a lot of heart,” said Gerald Henderson after the Bobcats’ failed semi-comeback against the Knicks on Friday night, “We just couldn’t come up with it at the end of the game.” An answer for J.R. Smith and Carmelo Anthony is the “it” with which the Bobcats couldn’t come up. In fact, in the first half, the only thing more unstoppable than Smith was his tattoo artist, as the former Zhejiang Golden Bull went 9-for-11 and attacked the hoop as if it were a New Jersey traffic court judge. Between him and the diabolical Anthony, the Bobcats found themselves trailing by 30 points in the first half, and although they were able to cut the deficit to 7 with about 2 minutes left in the fourth quarter, they couldn’t close the deal. “You like to win big when you are up big, but to me a win is a win,” said Knicks coach Mike Woodson, whose opinion of wins is in line with the generally-held perception of them.

The following night’s results in Philadelphia—a 9-point loss—were the same but acquired differently. This time the Bobcats squandered an early lead but played neck-and-neck throughout until they let a guard take control late. Jrue Holiday, who was in the midst of a 2-for-13 shooting debacle (which doesn’t include his four missed free throws), came alive with 11 points in the 4^th quarter to save Allen Iverson Bobblehead Night for the Sixers. Holiday’s versatility was impressive; he hit 3 jumpers and blew past the Bobcats’ guards twice for layups. Thaddeus Young and Royal Ivey combined for 5 steals as well, and the Sixers’ overall 52% shooting was enough to force the war-torn Bobcats to surrender.