In their continuing quest to seek out new ways to lose in the most agonizing manner possible, the Bobcats discovered two gems this week. On Monday they went from hitting the Ben Gordon Lottery to flat broke in 5 minutes. On Wednesday they figured, “Why bother trying to defeat the Knicks ourselves when J.R. Smith is willing to do it for free?” The trick almost worked, with Smith and company chucking their way to oblivion until the Bobcats went on a murderous turnover spree in the final handful of plays, setting up Smith and his happy dance. The root cause of both of these disasters was—again—poor defensive rebounding. Do you know what the definition of insanity is? It’s saying that stupid definition-of-insanity line over and over and expecting people to think you’re cool. But it’s also expecting to win when you give the opposing team more second chances than Chris Brown. The Bobcats are now dead-last in opponents’ offensive rebound rate, and if they don’t start boxing out like a homeless meth addict immediately, we’re never going to get our 8th win.
The Monday night loss to the Blazers continues to haunt me worse than a Ke$ha rap. First of all, Portland was playing its 6th straight road game and coming off an extremely unimpressive OT game with Cleveland. In other words, the Blazers were riper for the picking than Lady Gaga’s nose. Plus, do you know how bad their second unit is? Joel Freeland, Luke Babbitt, Meyers Leonard, Nolan Smith, Will Barton, and Sasha Pavlovic!? I’ve seen more attractive benches being puked on by hobos in Central Park.