Had I more room in that headline, I would have also added “And Duke Results From 3 Days Ago.” That’s how far down we’ve been sucked into this sinkhole of a season. The Bobcats, after losing by 21 points to a severely disinterested Brooklyn Nets team, are about to wrap up two complete two seasons that I wish I could just DVR and tell myself I’ll binge-watch on some random weekend in August but probably won’t (coincidentally, this is also how I feel about American Horror Story).

At least we got to see old flame Gerald Wallace in action. Crash had a throwback night, collecting 8 points, 5 blocks, 2 steals, and 8 rebounds. He was unfortunately tripped up by 1-of-7 shooting before he later was literally tripped up by Ben Gordon in a possibly intentional move. If the Bobcats can’t get out of their own way, it would at least be nice if they could get out of other players’ way, especially when they’re former Cats. And speaking of which, Keith Bogans knocked down two 3-pointers. Longtime Cats fans will remember Mr. Bogans averaging 9.6 PPG for us back in 2004-5, often acting as a nice floor-spacing complement for Wallace. Ah, that lovely 2004-5 season…there was so much promise! Emeka Okafor anchoring the frontcourt and putting in a runner-up ROY season, the excitement of two top-10 draft picks, 50-Cent’s The Massacre…it was great. G-UNIT!

According to Rick Bonnell, Tyrus Thomas didn’t even join the team on the latest West Coast road trip. I find this stunning, considering that coach Dunlap has shown he’ll still play guys who are willfully insubordinate (Ben Gordon) or who are willfully trying to eat their way onto a future season of The Biggest Loser (DeSagana Diop). As I gaze at Thomas’s image on my cubicle calendar, trapped in 2-D purgatory like Zod, Ursa, and Nod in Superman II, his hand held aloft—in all likelihood acknowledging to referees that he was the one who committed the personal foul—is that a twinge of pity I feel for the man?

Perhaps, but more likely it’s the twinge of my hands on my stomach as I try to suppress my own vomit. The road trip the Bobcats just completed was the worst one I’ve ever seen that didn’t involve Tom Green. How on earth the Bobcats found themselves trailing by 41 to the Sacramento Kings—who it should be noted were playing without the use of cyborgs—is a question I’d pose to Zoltar if I had a wish.

Tonight, I forgot there was a game.  Apparently, so did the Charlotte Bobcats.  That’s a bad joke thousands of people make all the time.  I often make it.  My dear sweet, long suffering mother often asks, “Are the Bobcats playing tonight?”  I respond with the incredibly ingenius “Well, they were scheduled to, but they forgot the playing part,” or something along those lines.

I tuned to the game with about 3 minutes left, thinking “Oh good, it’s Sacramento, they’re in big trouble,” and was quickly stunned to see 76-117.  Sacramento gets a lot of attention lately, mostly for being rudderless and lost, whether they’ll be sold and then moved, sold and stay, or just suck forever.  They’re playing in a no-name arena in front of a few people.  Hell, they made a trade just before the deadline, trading the #5 overall pick, Thomas Robinson to Houston in basically a salary dump.  There have only been maybe 6 top 5 picks traded in their rookie year, so this is truly historic rolling over.  Still, they put up 119 points against the Bobcats.

I was almost certain this year wouldn’t be like last year but the last few games have proved me wrong.  98-68 loss at the Jazz.  106-84 to the Clippers.  Coach Mike Dunlap is saying things like “This one just scooted away from us,”  ”Trying to stay upbeat, we have a game tomorrow and it’s all about playing with energy…team basketball.”  C’mon man, let’s get serious here.

The Bobcats didn’t put up much of a fight on Friday night against the Utah Jazz. Not only did backup center Enes Kanter absolutely destroy them for an impressive 20-20 line, but they also lost by 30 and scored just 68 points. Good thing they have an equally dysfunctional squad on the docket on Sunday when they take on the Sacramento Kings.

The bad news, however, is that Charlotte is once again waist-deep in a losing streak (currently a quality five game skid), and they’re playing on the road, where they’ve won just six games all season. Yikes, right?

Yes, but the Kings can be a baffling bunch, as well, so you have to like Charlotte’s chances to pull one out. Let’s take a closer look at the matchup and see who might come out on top on Sunday:

1. The Point – Edge: Bobcats

Isaiah Thomas is solid and I actually like Jimmer Fredette off the bench, but Keither Smart messes with these guys’ heads too much and neither is all that great at defense. Kemba Walker is a legit Most Improve Player of the Year candidate and is the better natural PG of the three. He also has been more consistent and is probably a better defender, as well.

If any good came out of the Bobcats’ latest disaster-piece, a 98-68 shelling in Utah, it’s that Charlotte maybe has a better chance now of bargaining down the price of either Al Jefferson or Paul Millsap in the offseason. That’s because both Jazz big men sat out last night with sprained ankles (Millsap was also busy naming his newborn daughter “Paular”), and their sneakers were ably filled by Derrick Favors and Enes Kanter. Both Millsap and Jefferson are on the last years of their contracts, and if last night was any indication, the Jazz might potentially feel comfortable avoiding a bidding war for them, knowing that they have the younger Favors and Kanter to take their places. And maybe the Bobcats could pick one or both of them up.

I should just stop right there, because anytime I do that I sound like Dr. Brown developing a theory for a working flux capacitor. It ain’t going to happen. Besides, such a move wouldn’t make the Bobcats contenders, or probably even very good. On the other hand, it would at least reduce the frequency of games like last night’s. Kanter, a one-man Turkish prison, tortured the Bobcats with 23 points (on 10-12 shooting) and 22 rebounds. The Turkish Bath Salt ate through Bobcats defenders, freeing up benchmates Jeremy Evans, DeMarre Carroll, and Gordon Hayward, who combined to go 18-of-30 in the rout.

“We’re giving heavy minutes to a lot of young guys, and that’s a lot of seeds in the earth that will eventually be harvested,” Bobcats coach Mike Dunlap said after the Clippers peed all over his flowerbed last night, 104-86. Dunlap’s strategy is nice and all, but Charlotte has been nothing but harvesters of sorrow for their drought-stricken fans this year, and last night was no oasis. Every Clippers point seemed to come either via 3-pointer or explosive dunk that left the Bobcats running for cover.

The game’s only bit of irony—a 6-point Bobcats lead after the first quarter—was quickly extinguished midway through the second quarter. “For 20 minutes we played fantastic basketball,” Dunlap said. “We had the lead, but we made some turnovers that they made some dunks off of, and…it carried over into the second half.” He’s perhaps over-simplifying the final 28 minutes a bit, but he definitely identified the turning point. Los Angeles went on a 15-5 run with 6 minutes left in the second quarter to melt Charlotte’s popsicle, and it was a rim-shaking siege of Blake Griffin- and DeAndre Jordan-authored savagery. Meanwhile, Charlotte responded with a turnover five-of-a-kind: traveling (Byron Mullens), bad pass (Kemba Walker), bad pass (Mullens), bad pass (Michael Kidd-Gilchrist), bad pass (Walker), and…bad pass (Mullens again, just missing the bad pass hat trick). Again, though, the Bobcats didn’t so much go cold as they went Bobcat; Charlotte is 29^th in both offensive and defensive efficiency (inexplicably still ahead of Sacramento in both categories—the Kings are the Hummer of NBA efficiency).