TORONTO—In a shocking announcement on Friday night, the Charlotte Bobcats declared to the world that they had won a basketball game.  In a chaotic press conference, spokesman Kemba Walker stated, “The Charlotte Bobcats have now amassed enough knowledge and technology to acquire a basketball win.  What’s more, our goal is to acquire multiple basketball wins within a period of 60-70 days.  We are now fully operational.”  Though there were few eyewitnesses willing to come forward, grainy footage was released showing Mr. Walker, along with several prominent leaders of the “Bobcats”—a radical splinter group of the organization known as the “NBA”—that appeared to back up his claim.  Walker denied accusations that his organization had committed a hostile act by procuring this win, claiming, “We are merely taking the necessary steps for our organization’s future security.”  Asked by one reporter what the next step might be, Walker would only say that “all options are on the table.”

Actually, Kemba Walker’s real comments after the game were as follows: “Even though it’s only our fourth win, it’s just a win.” He also helpfully added: “A win is a win.”  Nevertheless, I was so dumbstruck by what had just happened that I needed read and re-read his quote as if it were from Basketball Prospectus.   The Bobcats won!  Here’s the other great thing: they actually played well.  There’s one huge caveat to this statement, which is that the Raptors shot an abysmal 2-for-16 from 3-point range; in other words, they pulled a “Tyrus Thomas.”  But nothing else about the Raptors’ play was abysmal; in fact I’d say it was pretty abysmal—average shooting percentage, turnovers, etc.  There had to have been an emotional letdown—let’s face it: the Lakers, the NY Lins, and the Spurs had just come to town, so following that up with Charlotte is like following Led Zeppelin up with Right Said Fred.  Oh yeah, Toronto also didn’t have Andrea Bargnani.  But hey, we didn’t play Gana Diop, so I’d call that even.  Yup, I think this was a legitimate win.  Hell, who cares; at this point the win could have been more illegitimate than Frances Quinn Hunter and I’d take it.

Thank You Toronto

At this time after suffering through an abysmal 16 game losing streak, I think it is only appropriate that we give thanks to the people that helped the Charlotte Bobcats break this heinous streak that was on the verge of reaching Reverse-Undertaker-Wrestlemania-Streak proportions.

First I would like to thank the people of Toronto Canada. Thank you for your unrivaled hospitality, Thank you for your wacky National Anthem, Thank you for that goofy 3 dimensional design that you have on both ends of your court that makes it look like people are about to run into a sign 90 times a game.  Thank you for the Toronto Argonauts if for no other reason than naming your professional  football team after an Octopus is rather groundbreaking.

Thank you to all of the Toronto Raptors bloggers who will have to put up with the question of ‘how on earth did we lose to this sorry team questions’. Good luck with those questions Raptors Republic and Raptors HQ.

Thank you to James Johnson, Amir Johnson and Leandro Barbosa who repeatedly challenged Bismack Biyombo, failing to understand that his arms are about 14 feet long and that the one thing that he does extremely well already in this league is block shots.

Thank you Toronto Raptors for saving us from the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest losing losing streak. Thank you to Andrea Bargnani’s calf which fortunately for us was too jacked up to allow him on the court.

Thank you Toronto…. Your unmatched generosity is greatly appreciated.

My goal is to always remain optimistic without being completely unrealistic when I write my posts, but I have to say that the Charlotte Bobcats are making it awful hard to do that these days.

The scene from White Men Can’t Jump where Wesley Snipes is getting hustled by Woody Harrelson keeps coming to mind when I think of this team. I picture Wesley in a Bobcats uniform with his hand in the air going, “It’s pretty! It’s so pretty!”

Then Rosie Perez stands up and yells out (in her best Puerto Rican accent), “Oh no it ain’t! Go pay your taxes!”

For those of you that do watch the Bobcats I am sure I don’t need to tell you how bad things have been. I think the game Wednesday night against the Portland Trailblazers should be treated like Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter series; it will be “the game that will not be named.”

We knew that this season would be a tough one, but this is starting to hurt to watch; 3-20 and in the midst of an 11 game losing streak following Saturday’s game with the Phoenix Suns. When will the pain end? When will these guys win another game?

Before we figure out the best chance for that let’s take a look at what these guys are capable of and how they stack up to the rest of the league:

Its a sad day for Canadians everywhere.

Yesterday afternoon the Charlotte Bobcats behind DJ Augustin and Gerald Henderson defeated the Toronto Raptors 95-90 on the road. Even though the Bobcats recently suffered a 6 game losing streak, this win helps them climb back up to #8 in the Eastern conference playoff race ( tied with the Indiana Pacers ). There are some “fans” that say they would rather see the Bobcats miss the playoffs and get a lottery pick in this year’s draft rather than eek into the playoffs and face a potential first round sweep against the Celtics, Bulls or Heat. I on the other hand completely disagree because I feel that the experienced gained from a playoff series ( even if it’s in defeat) far outweigh any lottery pick that you might get… Especially in this year’s draft.

The All-Star break is over and teams returned to play, after a much-needed rest for most, including the Bobcats. Charlotte and Toronto started the game with strong offensive first quarters. Players were hitting their shots and players on both teams looked like they had fresh legs after the break. The ‘Cats ended the first quarter with a 33-27 point lead and never looked back.

Charlotte, led by DJ Augustine with 23 points and Gerald Wallace with 20 points, had five players scoring in double figures. The ‘Cats also had single digit turn overs, 9, which helped them control play over the last three quarters. Nazr Mohammed led Bobcats re-bounders with 14 off the bench, and Boris Diaw had 9 assists followed by DJ Augustin with 8.  Stephen Jackson left the game with what was described as a pulled hamstring; we can only hope that this is not a serious injury.

First of all in case you missed it, THIS is the dunk that Demar Derozan had last night that caused all of the SportsCenter anchors to get so uncontrollably wet in the panties:

It was a nice dunk, but dunk of the year candidate? Get Serious.

Now that we have that out of the way, we can talk about the game.  The first half of the game was ugly, The Raptors jumped out early in the first quarter to grab a 9 point lead. The same problems that we’ve been seeing from the Bobcats all season were prevalent ( lack of intensity, poor perimeter defense etc ). Through the second quarter it was more of the same, The Raptors scored when they needed to and the Cats offered little resistance.

Halftime saw Charlotte Bobcats owner Michael Jordan be inducted into the North Carolina Sports Hall of Fame.  How on earth was he not in there already?