The Bobcats lost another heartbreaker on Friday night, but at least it wasn’t another bone-breaker, because I think we’ve got an injury DNP Brady Bunch going at this point (with trainer Joe Sharp as Alice). For Gerald Wallace, the game was a toenail-breaker, causing him to miss most of the second quarter. Normally I would’ve made a joke about that, but not after seeing Syriana a few days ago.
And not after another horrible performance. We put up just 13 points in the third quarter, which tied with the President’s reaction to the Twin Tower attacks in Fahrenheit 9/11 for the most excruciating 12 minutes I’ve ever witnessed. After missing just 6 FG’s in the first quarter, we only made 5 in the third. But what made things even more painful was that the Clippers are so crappy they couldn’t just pull away and end our misery in a rout, so the game stayed stuck in the 10-15 point deficit for most of the 2nd half. It reminded me of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre where the old guy was too weak to bludgeon the girl to death with a hammer, so he just feebly tapped her a few times on the head while she lay there bound and writhing*.
Things looked good to start, though. It’s too bad NBA games don’t end midway through the first quarter, because I bet we’d at least be over .500. "We came out running and gunning,'' Gerald Wallace said afterward. "We had them on the ropes, but the bodies that we had just kind of wore out.” Hopefully the guys can get some new bodies in time for tonight's game (ask for the “Kevin Garnett” models—they cost a little extra but they’re worth it). There’s a chance Emeka Okafor might be able to go, although there’s also a chance my dog will go to the park and not spend the whole time licking another dog’s genitals. Who knows with Sean May, and even if Brevin Knight can heal, he’s locked in a feud with the league’s officials. By the way, I loved his quote from a few days ago: “(The official) made contact and then he said to me, ‘Oh, you're going to bump me.’ I said, 'You bumped into me.' So he gave me the tech.” BK needs to realize that if the officials aren’t going to call fouls when opposing players bump into us, they’re certainly not going to when they do either. BK needs to take Phil Jackson’s advice and realize somebody has a sacred cow somewhere else (or whatever the hell Phil said about officiating; I just remember it had something to do with cows).
The Clippers were led by Tim Thomas (always fun getting beaten by a classy guy like him), who had 24 points, 6 assists, and 6 rebounds. The Rental also went 5/8 from downtown, demonstrating that he’s in love with his 3-point shot almost as much as he is with himself. Elton Brand went for yet another quiet 19 and 10 game, which I said after our last game with the Clips isn’t all that impressive when your main adversaries are Jake Voskuhl and Ryan Hollins. Meanwhile, the Bobcats were misled by Adam Morrison, who had just 4 points on an appalling 1/9 night. On the bright side, Walter Herrmann (15 points) has quietly not sucked for the last couple of games.
Oh well. It must be spring if we’re talking about Pete Rose again. The founding father of baseball pariahs has pointlessly been in the news all week—I’m honestly surprised Rose himself isn’t sick of it by now. Still, he’s always good for a few inadvertent laughs, and did anyone catch this quote? "Don't penalize McGwire because you think other guys are taking steroids," Rose said on the air with Dan Patrick. That’s nice of you to stick up for him, Pete, but I’m pretty sure people are actually penalizing McGwire because they think McGwire took steroids.
*note: I haven’t seen any of the remakes, but I’m assuming in the updated version he’s too weak to drop a plasma 50” big-screen TV on top of her or something