As the free agency period heads towards its denouement1, here are twenty pressing questions about the upcoming basketball season. You may want to make notes in the margins.

  1. How many times will the Bobcats’ offensive scheme be referred to as “small ball?"

  2. In a Texas style steal cage match, who would win between Matt Carroll, Jason Kapono, and Luke Walton? Walton’s got the size, but I think Matt would win with his resourcefulness. He’d know what to do with a chair.

  3. If we sign Bobby Brown as a back up point guard, how many weeks in a row will Bill “Sports Guy” Simmons make a “My Prerogative” joke? (Side Note: Lebron will be performing as Bobby Brown during the ESPY awards. Sublimonal.)

  4. When the Bobcats make the playoffs in ’08, which nationally recognized sports columnist will be the first to congratulate the Charlotte Hornets?

  5. If we don’t make the playoffs, who receives the most blame: Raymond Felton, Jason Richardson, Adam Morrison, Michael Jordan, Sam Vincent, Bob Johnson, George Shinn, David Stearn, or the hip-hop/techno music played during time outs?

  6. Now that Wallace is the confirmed wing partner of Jason Richardson, will they overtake World of Warcraft spoofs as the most downloaded content on YouTube?

  7. Is playing Jared Dudley at power forward merely a rope-a-dope before we switch him to point guard?

  8. Which Bobcat game is the most highly anticipated of the upcoming season: Golden State or … The Warriors?

  9. If Sam Vincent bases our offense on Dallas, which player will perform the role of sulking, ill tempered team captain?

  10. Who will likely miss more this season: North Carolina residents trying to find a Bobcat games on TV or Raymond Felton trying to hit a lay-up?

  11. At the all-star break, which Bobcat player will Panther fans most frequently say we should cut?

  12. Is it possible to incorporate a DH position in the NBA? We’ll call it the “Sean May Rule.”

  13. Which Alma Mater will win the March Madness two-on-two tournament at Bobcat practices: Alabama or UNC? Which Alma Mater wins the H.O.R.S.E match?

  14. Is Kevin Durant more a cross between Luke Skywalker and the RZA or Snake Eyes and Pele? A coyote and a tornado? A can of Red Bull and a fishing pole?

  15. After Super Jermareo becomes a fan favorite, how long before the fans start referring to Ryan Hollins as Luigi? Speaking of nicknames, who now has the cooler nickname: Crash, Hammer, Ammo, or Super Jermareo?

  16. By the end of the season, will people talk more about Kobe’s playoff performance or strip mall performance? Will the NBA be more fun to watch if Andrew Bynum stays a Laker?

  17. What’s the most deluxe franchise player trade scenario that will be rumored on every major sports sight but will fail to materialize?

  18. How many games will Boston continue to tank before they finally acknowledge they lost the Oden lottery? Also, when Paul Pierce and Ray Allen shake hands, will they immediately negate each others’ existence in the universe, forming a black hole that absorbs Al Jefferson?

  19. If Yi doesn't sign with the Bucks, which city will be best suited for his handlers, who demand a large market with a considerable Chinese population? My vote: Hong Kong.

  20. If Rashard Lewis busts his knee during his first year with the Magic, do the Orlando fans sack Disney World and sacrifice Goofy, hoping to appease whatever god has cursed them?

1If you feel like this blog entry was a waste of your time, at least you got to review/learn one of those amazing literary terms that you've long forgotten since the days of teachers, books, and students' dirty looks. If you're really feeling frisky, how about trying to remember what onomatopoeia means!